Oh, boy! Haven't these been intense lately?! Planet Earth has often been called the planet of relationships; with each other, with God, and with nature. But let's talk about our relationships with each other, namely family and friends.

The most important thing to remember is that we cannot expect others to live up to our expectations, we can only expect them to live up to their own. The next most important thing is to not insist on seeing them as you would like to see them (as you would like them to be) but rather as they are.

It is also important for us to be who we are at all times. In my college Psychology studies, I read that we have as many faces (outer presentations of personality) as people whose opinions we respect. It is much better for us to just be our true Selves at all times and let everybody else figure out if they love the real us. Chances are they will.

Ten years ago when I was working in the home office of an insurance company, I had to ask a salesman to return to his client to get some additional information. He called me to complain that I should have asked for that weeks ago. I agreed and said that I had made a mistake and unfortunately the information which I had requested was something that I needed rather than wanted. He complimented me for my honesty, got the required information, and became my friend for the rest of my career.

Each of us on this planet is a unique expression of God. Each of us has different talents and abilities and personalities. The differences are what make life interesting. We should allow each person to express his or her own individuality. We can't expect a free spirit to be serious all of the time. That is something that they are not. And remember, since we are all immortal and therefore have no beginning and no end, we are ageless and telling someone to act their age is a meaningless request since we are no older now than the day we were born!

Too many times we expect our spouses, significant others, children, parents, and siblings to be extensions of ourselves and therefore feel they should do and say things the same way we would. Yet this cannot be because we are all individual expressions of Spirit. We each came into this world having had a multitude of experiences through many previous lifetimes. Our personalities and expectations of life are already set and are not a function of anybody else.

We are not our physical bodies and can never truly be harmed. That we choose not to go to college and get white collar jobs does NOT mean that our lives are wasted. That we are not expressing certain talents that we have does NOT mean that we are wasting our lives. We all have unlimited potential and can choose to express whatever we want. Life is to enjoy and only we can say what brings us joy.

Marriage was made by Man, not by God. God's laws cannot be broken and concern such things as energy can never be lost, the nature of Spirit is to express, and we can never die. Laws which govern human behavior are made by Man. If you are in a relationship whether legalized by marriage or not, there is NOTHING which says you have to stay in it if it no longer suits your Soul's purpose.

We come together for a variety of reasons, to grow and learn together. At times our partner is no longer growing in the same direction in which we are, if at all. You do not have to stay in it merely because you are supposed to. You may be doing the both of you a favor if you were to release him or her. Staying together for the children's sake may do more harm than good. You have to be the judge of that. Remember, before your children chose you for a parent, they knew the probable major course of your life. Children adjust to different situations very easily. What affects them much more devastatingly than a divorce is the disharmony and negative energy which can build up between their parents and disrupt the entire family relationship. This is all the more reason to keep open communication with your partner, to prevent the buildup of negative energies.

On the other hand, you shouldn't leave a relationship merely because things are tough. There was something which originally drew you to this person. Try to work things out. Talk to each other to see if an insurmountable problem isn't merely a misunderstanding burdened by a lot of silence. If you run from relationships because things get tough, you will soon find yourself in another tough relationship because you have something to learn.

Verbal communication is EXTREMELY important in any relationship. I don't care if you are a New Age couple and telepathic, TALK OUT LOUD. Don't always expect the other person to know how you think and feel. You are in the physical body. Bring your thoughts and feelings down to the physical level by speaking them out loud.

Necessary accompaniments to communication are openness and honesty. It doesn't do any good to talk if you are going to lie by what you say or don't say. Speak in the moment. Do not save things up for some monumental fight. If your partner hurts you by something said or done or not, speak up immediately. Never in a spite of anger or pique say something you may later regret. Conversely, do not hold on to words spoken in anger, there is no one keeping score.

When involved in a disagreement, stick to the core issues and clarify thoughts and feelings. Assessing blame is antithetical to relationships. Neither person is wrong and both are right. Feelings are as important as facts. Feelings are ALWAYS valid.

ALLOW THE OTHER PERSON TO BE AND DO WHAT HE OR SHE IS AT ALL TIMES.

To say any more about the previous sentence would be to detract from its importance and naked truth.

A very good friend of mine has been married for over twenty years. For the first ten of those years, he and his wife worked very hard at having a "good" marriage. After ten years they separated. After sorting through their lives and deciding what each wanted out of life, they found their lives going in the same direction once again. They got back together and vowed never to "work" on their relationship ever again. They decided to "be in" a relationship rather than working on one. They are still happily married.

Many years ago I read someone's definition of a good relationship. It has stuck with me: two independent people being independent together. There is no need for one party to immerse him or herself in the other's life to the exclusion of one's own sense of individuality.

Another important ingredient in any relationship is intimacy (yes, the "I" word!) Webster defines intimacy as the state of being intimate. (God love him!) Intimacy is a willingness to be open, honest and close to another person. Necessary to intimacy are a willingness to listen, to be who you are, and to be non-judgmental and accepting. You must also be willing to talk and share yourself with another person. You must be not afraid to open up to another and say this is who I am. These are my hopes and these are my fears. Of course if privacy and respect are not a given, then intimacy cannot exist.

Get to know someone and allow that person to get to know you. This is the only basis for a friendship of any kind. If there is to be love there, it will grow out of friendship and intimacy. Take time to be intimate. It seldom happens by itself.

The battle of the sexes doesn't exist. It is merely a skirmish with ourselves. We deny an understanding of another what we deny in ourselves. As Spirit we are both male and female. When we lower our energy into these physical bodies, we pull down with us the energies consistent with the gender of our physical bodies. The opposite energies remain within our Subconscious Minds. For example, I, as a man, express on this level the qualities we generally associate with male. On the inner levels in my Subconscious Mind is my female Self, or energies. These other-gendered qualities are always there for us to call upon. Indeed, we are actually a mix of male/female qualities. To be all male or all female would truly be obnoxious and insufferable. Allow both sides of yourself and of your partner to express. We have seen a drastic increase in androgyny in recent years. This also is an attribute of the New Age and is to be encouraged.